Softening Tension, On and Off the Table

The holidays have a way of brining both connection and tension to the surface. This Thanksgiving was a reminder of how powerful repair can be.

I spent the holiday with family. My parents are still around and I am very thankful for that.

My parents, 2 siblings, sister in law, niece and nephew + dog not only celebrated Thanksgiving yesterday but we also celebrated early Christmas.

We had our reasons for doing so but it was so much fun that I am thinking this may be a good future plan. You know, the eating part and the opening presents part.

There was almost one family argument but we made it out quickly and pretty seamlessly. It was a misunderstanding. A communication issue. A someone/s not getting enough sleep issue. But gas wasn’t added to the fire by one human feeling insulted by another where someone responds with anger or sarcasm, so the party went on beautifully with us exchanging gifts — or mostly the kids opening their gifts.

We adults exchanged a few small gifts. And that helped mend miscommunication.

I opened a gift given to me by my sister and noticed how thoughtful she was about what she gave me. When she gives a gift, no matter the cost, there’s always a lot of heart and thought that she puts into it. My mom is exactly the same. I just love this about them.

We are a close-knit family. We also have differences and like most families, a history of butting heads. And what we’ve learned as we’ve grown older is — life is short. It’s better not to let little things bother us. We do the best we can not be belabor things that really don’t matter.

What I love about being a licensed massage therapist is that if I rub someone the wrong way (lol best pun intended), I can more easily fix the issue by giving them a shoulder massage.

So, after I said something that apparently rubbed my sister the wrong way yesterday, I chose to let the tension relax a bit. Once it did, I walked behind where she was sitting on the couch and I surprised her with a shoulder massage. She accepted and it was then that I was able to explain that “I seriously did not, in any way, mean to hurt your feelings or anything like that”.

It’s hard for someone to be mad at another person when they are receiving a massage. Touch has a way of softening tension, not just in muscles but the whole emotional atmosphere.

I love that massage therapy brings out the best in people. I had no idea when I started massage therapy school and chose to treat it seriously as real career that I would get to witness the absolute best in others.

We all have something in our personality that makes us amazing and equally difficult. Getting along with others, whether it’s within the family dynamic or at work, can be challenging because we all have our own unique personality but when the nervous system slows down, it’s easier to calmly respond rather than impulsively react. It’s easier to see the best in people. It’s easier to be the best version of ourselves. This is because massage therapy allows the nervous system to shift from fight or flight to rest and repair. It won’t eliminate problems, misunderstanding or deep rooted feelings but it is a powerful RESET.

Yesterday and a few days ago, I made the family a huge salad. The 2 salads were vastly different. My father NEVER eats salad. He doesn’t like it.

For many years, I prepared and ate salad without any dressing. When I began intentionally attempting to get the family to eat more salads beginning just a few months ago, one day, while my brother was visiting me, we sat at my kitchen table and he said, “Remember when you used to eat salads with ZERO dressing?” Lol.

Now, when I make a salad, it’s a unique concoction of olive oil, vinegar and seasoning, among other healthy, but delicious ingredients. Yesterday, the Italian/Greek salad I put together was the first meal they ate and everyone loved it! There was none left in the large serving bowl!

If you think you can’t teach an old dog new tricks — my dad is now a salad eater.

Here’s to more calm moments, great food, and choosing connection over conflict.